So many days are difficult when your 9 year old daughter has the IQ level of a 2 year old. My daughter has Aspergers Syndrome. And although some days are relatively painless, usually school days when she isn't here, weekends are the worst.
I think I understand now why Ostriches hide their heads in the sand. When I hear her stomp her over sized feet through the living room, shouting "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" I wish I could stick my head somewhere, anywhere but here.
Today I woke at 4am in so much pain I didn't know what to do. A day or two before my doctor appointment I always run low on the pain killers that get me out of bed, not to mention able to make the meals, and clean the house and do the cat litter. All those daily chores that no one around here notices but me. I ask Lorelei I don't know how many times "Did you notice the garbage can on its side in the kitchen?" No mom, didn't see it." Yet its wedged in between the doorway and the refrigerator, which I know she's already been in at least a dozen times before 10 am. The books on the table that are now strewn all over the living room floor. Another thing she "didn't see" yet it was impossible to walk through the room without stepping over it.
Anyway, back to the 4am wake up. By the time I finally fall back to sleep the sun is coming up and who do you think wakes up, but Miss Asperger in the next room. I purposely buy her food that she can handle herself, toaster waffles, microwave pancakes, bagels. Things she doesn't need me for. Things she can eat to tide herself over with until I get up at 10am. She is old enough to fend for herself for a couple of hours. Would you believe I have yet to sleep until ten. She usually starts between 7 and 8. It starts with....
"Mommy are you awake?" Its 7am sometimes earlier when that when I get the first wake up message. Mind you my eyes are closed, the room is dark and most of the time I'm snoring. So why would I be awake?
"Mommy theres a mess in the bathroom!"
"Mommy, make breakfast"
"Mommy, you awake yet?"
"Mommy, when are you getting up?"
"Mommy, do I have an appointment today?" "Do you?"
"Mommy, can I call grandma?"
"Look, Mommy, I brought you a cat!"
"Look, Mommy, I brought you another cat!"
Mind you these are all true. She says this every morning and all usually within 30 minutes of waking up. I have never slept past 9 ever since she started declining. When they said she had ADHD I didn't believe them. I knew it was something else. When meds stopped working I started looking for other options, other answers. When I found out about Aspergers, I asked her doctor and of course the dumb idiot woman says "I was actually considering that diagnosis, but I didn't want to upset you." Its not upsetting to find out there's a reason for what has been driving us all crazy for three years. Not counting all the wierd stuff she's been doing since birth.
I don't know how much more of her tantrums, her behaviors, her lack of ability to do anything without me. And the worst is that whenever I go to do something I will turn around and there she is just staring at me. How am I supposed to deal with that. I am going to end up on the 6th floor. The irony is so will she and we will probably be stuck in one room. So she can keep staring at me and saying
"Mommy are you up yet?" Except I will have no where to run, with bars on the windows and locks on the doors. When can I start being an Ostrich, I welcome a bucket of sand to this...."
