Our New Life

Well, it is official.  We have moved.  Its an ok place.  Close enough to town yet far enough away from it at the same time.  The irony is my BFF wanted me to move closer to be near each other and I've seen her maybe 3 or 4 times since we moved and the total time together probably wouldn't even equal an hour.  WHATEVER.  I've seemed to have picked up a stray too.  Her son had a friend who was always hanging around, troubled life or whatever.  So he's been helping my friend, John and I to move everything here.  I'm loving having someone around (a man) who acts like one and because of his age or rather underage anything happening doesnt cross anyones minds.  Sometimes its better this way.  I got a man to hang around and help me with the heavy lifting, but dont have to deal with anyone in my bedroom except the four legged kind, (NO NOT JACOB, IM NOT THAT LUCKY)

Its been nice in my own place one that Josh can't touch.  He did come by a few days ago and left me with a broken wrist and a welt the size of a golf ball on the opposite wrist.  So much for "No honey it tears me up inside to remember what I did to you last year.  I'll never hit you again."  Guess Leopards really don't change their spots.

will it never end

I spent last night coming to terms with how I feel about Joshua.  That I don't need him in my life to be complete.  I'm a complete person on my own.  More than he can say.  I woke up this morning with a splitting headache.  The house is much more at peace when he isnt here, the cats, all 17 of them are happy and not breaking anything.  Even the girls are getting along.  Yet when I got downstairs I suddenly felt overwhelmed.  All the mess the cats had made and the girls hounding me for lunch and I was barely even awake yet.  I sat down and tried to help Hannah with her homework and I had to excuse myself because I suddenly started crying hysterically.  I wasnt thinking about him so I don't know where it came from.  I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling sick to my stomach.  I'm not crying anymore, but he's on his way over to get the stuff he forgot. 

How am I suppose to get over him with him texting me every few minutes to tell me he misses me and he's sorry.  How can I accomplish anything with him here when he isnt here and making his presence known the rest of the time.  I just want some peace.  Yes I'd like to be with him, but not with him the way he is now.